this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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