I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
