I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
