I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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