respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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