When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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