We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
