Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
