Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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