Im at strip club and am horny
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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