She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
