u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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