I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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