My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
