Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are we still banned from the library?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
