When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
