Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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