remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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