wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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