You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
