How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
