In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
