im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
