but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
