Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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