member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
