She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
