A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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