I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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