Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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