One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
