So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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