sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
