think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
