whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
