You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
