First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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