im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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