1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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