i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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