how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
