Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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