Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
