this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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