o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
