Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
