I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
