I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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