do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
