just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
