drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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