I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
