i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
