Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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