i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
