feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
