Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My cat gives me a boner
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
