Rock
Scissors
Fuck
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
