I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
